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| i had a really good day today :P
thank You, God for Your goodness.
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| retreat was pretty freaking awesome. so many many things to think about, then and since. there is what is, and what i know should be (and what is and what should never be  ). but it is really hard to keep striving. trying to keep the end goal in mind.
this song came on pandora today. its way softer than what i generally listen to, but sometimes a good worship song is needed, even when you dislike it musically, you cant help but identify with it lyrically.
Who are we
That You would be mindful of us
What do You see
That’s worth looking our way
We are free
In ways that we never should be
Sweet release
From the grip of these chains
Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing
All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified
Emmanuel
God with us
My heart sings a brand new song
The debt is paid these chains are gone
Emmanuel
God with us
Lord You know
Our hearts don’t deserve Your glory
Still You show
A love we cannot afford
Like hinges straining from the weight
My heart no longer can keep from singing
Such a tiny offering compared to Calvary
Nevertheless we lay it at Your feet
-God With Us, MercyMe
why, God, do you love us? tiny offerings, insignificant. yet each and every one is worth something to the One who made us. imagine that. we do not deserve at all, His kindness or mercy or grace or love. but still, we get it. for free.
unconditional love is such a beautiful thing. receiving it from another person, when they know your absolute deepest darkest secrets, the things you were reluctant to confess to God Himself, yet they do not run away, nor revile you, but rather extend the blood of Christ over you, and God's love tangibly flows through them, that is something to be treasured, when you find it.
man, my sleep schedule is totally screwed up again, dangit...
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| 2008 is over, and what a year. feels like it went by really quickly. i cant believe that so many things happened in such a short time. things were made. things were strengthened, other things weakened and broke. it stretched me, this year, and i learned a bit more about myself and others in the process. it was a year in which i reached emotional extremes, and praise God, life always was and still is, good. and, He got me through last semester with fairly decent grades and with my sanity more or less intact. well, i suppose it could be debated how sane i was going into it in the first place . He also brought me closer to many people, for which i am grateful. i couldnt have gotten through it all without a special group of people (and one person in particular), and i thank you, from the bottom of my heart, all of you who encouraged me through the hardest semester of my life so far, took the time out of your days (and nights) to come spend time with me in my little corner of heck, bring me food and conversation and commiseration, and most importantly, show your love  . so thank you all very much, i am extremely grateful for each one of you.
patience. may God strengthen those who need it, make his presence known to those who seek. may this year bring peace that surpasses all understanding, joy that knows no bounds, and love that overflows from on high, regardless of the circumstances. attitude check? happy new year
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| "the three things any designer needs in order to be successful are curiosity, conviction, and obsession" - my studio instructor raveevarn choksombatchai
apparently, they also need to have no social life outside of wurster, no need for rest or food, and no other classes besides this one, because the workload is incredibly freaking ridiculous. so, im not going to be a successful designer i guess, not this year. unfortunately, i have to take and pass this class (and another one next semester) because its a requirement for the major, which means that i will a) most likely not be posting on xanga for a reallllly long time, b) try my best not to let this happen, but i might not get to hang out with people besides church and fellowship and small group, unless you come visit me (thanks to those that have already) and c) most likely look extremely tired when i do see you, and if i fall asleep around you, its (probably) not because i find you insufferably boring
i know that despite the fact that this next year looks like hell in terms of school, God is taking care of me in ways i cant even imagine. im still extremely blessed to be here, to have met the people that i have, and to know the ones that care about me, and i definitely thank God for that. and other than school, life is great
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| wow. another year done with, and my college career is officially half over. its been a freaking awesome year, the best one so far. many things have happened, both good and bad, (but mostly good) and i think i've grown a lot. im gonna miss the seniors though  God bless you guys, hope you keep Him number one always.
some lessons i've learned this year/reflections of the past few days:
people change, people move on, stuff happens. it is unfortunate, but change is inevitable, i suppose. i still dont like it, but im learning to live with it. its kinda saddening though, and i dont quite understand the how or why. but i trust its all for the best, and God knows what is to happen, so why should i worry about it?
good prayer is awesome. being in God's presence like that is a tiny taste of heaven. i only wish i had more endurance.
freakin grades. i sincerely wish (and i think i get support on this) that we werent graded on what we learn. i mean, it wouldnt be so bad if we could just pay them to teach us and end it at that, rather than paying them to torture us with homework and quizzes and midterms and finals, and then fail us on top of all that. geez. im reminded of lue-yee's away message on aim, about being a masochist (although, lue, im more likely to call you nerd than masochist )
group projects suck. a lot. but, like all trials, they can be an opportunity to learn and grow, even though it may not be immediately apparent.
being a leader is hard. it definitely has its ups and downs, but its an interesting and rewarding experience (at least it has been for me, this past year). its really nice to feel like you are making a difference, especially when that difference becomes evident later, and keeps growing. and its also really nice to find dependable people that you can truly count on. thank God for those people, they are a blessing.
the big sib/little sib thing was really fun. of course, i had a pretty "special" little sib and a really cool older sib, for which i am thankful.
studying the hebrew bible (aka our old testament in different order) as a biblical scholar might was an eye-opening experience. it didnt shake my faith at all, just made me question things that seemed contradictory, which is good, because after researching those things, or asking someone more knowledgeable, it always reinforced what i already believed. it was kinda fun, actually, and since it was the old testament, i didnt really have to do the assigned reading to understand what was being talked about in class. i definitely learned a lot though, and it made me appreciate the old testament a lot more.
middle eastern studies was another eye-opener. now i understand islam, the arab-israeli conflict, the oil trade, and zionism, among other things, quite a bit better than i did before. the professor was really funny, and i learned a lot. art history was largely a waste of time, but i guess i did learn something about analyzing art. art 14 was sometimes fun but also somewhat a waste of time, except for stephchensays, ako, kinda learning to throw, and some of the things i made. everyone in that class thinks im morbid. not that they'd be wrong...
God is always working, whether we see it or not. just because it isnt immediate doesnt mean it isnt ever gonna happen. theres only so much you can do, and its no use beating yourself up over what is not under your control. it may be cliche but it is still true: sometimes what we need to do is let go and let God.
sometimes you find things where and when you least expect them, or just after you've given up looking. God has a plan that is much better for us than anything we could come up with by ourselves. He also has quite a sense of humor, as i have witnessed firsthand...
its a huge blessing to be able to be so completely and totally honest with someone. its a truly amazing and wonderful feeling, to still be loved by them, even in spite of your worst failings. its a reflection of the way God loves each of us despite our sin. its a simultaneously sobering and joyful fact. its a blessing i dont deserve at all, but i am thankful  | | |
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